My World in this Universe

I prefer to start this article by saying that university was something I never expected to be a part of my life. As a kid, it was unachievable because I was never a big shot in academics. It seemed way too elusive and unreachable for someone who lacks a proper aim in life and who lacks dedication. But time made me realize that my life is full of surprises, some serious ones I mean and getting selected to Colombo actually proved it. I was surprised by my own self and spent hours thinking, was it a mistake?. Well, i don’t think my one year experience at uni is enough to answer that question because, to put it simply, it’s like a ride on a wild roller coaster.

With a heart heavy from anticipation, uncertainty and many more emotions welled up, I entered a life I’d never imagined of; a whole new chapter which might unexpectedly adorn my uncomplicated life story. And just as expected, my life has become a truly entertaining series with many plot twists. First of all, I’m a person who’s very bad at coping with stress but unfortunately, uni was like the gateway to it (I’m not even kidding). Throughout my first few months at uni, my mind had one constant affirmation ‘Im gonna screw up for real this time” cuz every single time I attend a two hour long lecture, my mind would shut down on its own. Every time a lecturer announces the submission of assignments, mid terms, presentations or marks, I go through a series of panic attacks that reward me with insomnia for days. Those are the frequent occasions where uni gifts me with a fully entertaining existential crisis, along with a thousand reasons to quit this degree and start everything all over again. Seeing all the smart people around me was like an invitation to nourish my inferiority complex which constantly kept telling me that I’m not enough, I need to try harder. It was a hell of a struggle to keep my inner voice calm cuz it’s mostly designed with the utmost goal of torturing me in every possible way. The long exhausting hours of listening to lectures or casually zoning out when you just can’t take it any longer, assignments with no clear guidelines, lectures without context and a wave of social anxiety to hit along with these, it’s like a package deal for a whole new breakdown. But hey, this is uni life right? what’s the fun in it if you aren’t stressed out for at least three day per week? uni can be a mess but its a whole new experience, it can leave you wondering and questioning about your life choices, it can give you breakdowns that’ll make you curl up in bed and cry throughout the night. You will feel like you are not doing enough, everyone is ahead of you. Sometimes it’s like a never-ending cycle, waking up at 4AM to travel two hours back and forth, crammed in a crowded bus, holding on to my dear life, sleepless nights, staring blankly at my unfinished assignments and notes. This cycle has become a part of me and will continue to be for years.

One thing I love about this mind boggling uni life is that you will always find people whom you can relate a lot in life, people who can make you feel like you are not alone in this. There will be people with whom you can talk for hours and hours about life, academic struggles, personal dilemmas and even your random unhinged thoughts, there will be people who constantly inspire you and guide you like a nagging sister to stay focused throughout your journey and people whom you can engage in deep philosophical talks about art and poetry without getting bored for hours. Some can keep you entertained just by recommending their favorite animes and tv shows. These people gave me reasons to step in to uni everyday and many more reasons to smile and view uni life in a different perspective. It can be their warm smile or their warm embrace, their words of consolation when feeling overwhelmed and those endless conversations about infinite possibilities. I cannot exactly say whether I love this whole idea of being a uni student, but there are moments I felt blessed despite the stress that consumes us daily. It can include the leisurely strolls to nearby cafes or places as an escape from this hustle and bustle of academic life and singing our lungs out while walking down the road, ignoring everyone around. It also can be about those school friends who stuck with me till the end and the ones who sent long texts saying that they are proud of my progress. These people who are a part of this universe, helped me shape myself into a whole new person and to juggle many new experiences.

So to conclude my uni chapter I would say, uni isn’t the ideal life I dreamt of but without this chapter of my life, I wouldn’t have discovered my capacities nor my abilities. It was indeed a journey with ups and downs but I feel like everything was worth it and I’m looking forward to gaining many more new experiences in this diverse universe.

Rtr. Uvinya de Zoysa