Smiling, Smiling…

I looked around my room. Was it the thunder that woke me up? Was it the sound of the downpour outside? A flash of lightning like the one that illuminated the dark room for a moment? Must have been. Or was it the growing sense of dread that persisted throughout the day? I got up from the bed, sweat soaked linens flung aside. My bare feet touched the cold floor. Cold? No not just cold. Icy. So cold that it felt warm. I got to my feet, aware of my breath misting in front of my face. I had to…go. Yes. I had to go outside. There was something I must see. One step forward, then another, and another. I got to the door. The handle, turn it. Click. The door swung slowly. Agonizingly slow. The heart pounding in my chest. Blood roaring in my ears. I stepped outside into the dim hallway. Feet dragging on the too cold floor. I had to keep walking. It was at the end of the hallway. I knew it. One step forward, then another, and another. Passing countless doors to either side. Did my house always have so many doors? It must have. Keep walking.

Something was at the end of the hallway, halfway into the last room. I walked up to it, looked down to see…

Me.

My face.

Staring. But not seeing.

I knew I wasn’t surprised. Somehow this was the way things were supposed to be. The fear that ran through my veins did not come from seeing my lifeless form on the ground. No. It came from the smile on my face. Teeth bared in a grin that has never greeted me in the mirror. Something else was off too. I was…facing the wrong way, I mean, my body was, on the ground, lying on my stomach, face looking up towards the celling. I realised that my breath no longer misted in front of me. The heart still, blood quiet. I closed my eyes. Counted to ten. Opened them. To find myself staring at the celling.

I looked around the room. Was it the thunder that woke me up? The downpour outside? The lightning that illuminated my room for a brief moment? It must have been. Or was it the growing sense of dread? I sat up on my bed, breath misting in front of my face. Was it this cold when I went to bed last night? No. I remember pulling off my covers as it was stifling underneath them. I had to get out of the bed. I had to go outside. There was something to see. I slowly swung my feet off the bed and on to the icy floor.

Wait…did I do this before? Must have been that dream.

I stood up. One foot forward, then the other. When I got to the door, I saw that it was open. A van light spilling into my room from the hallway beyond. Why wasn’t the door closed? I can’t fall asleep with it open. There was something on the floor. Laying halfway into the room. A pair of legs. I recognized the dark blue pyjamas they were clad in. Mine. I took one more step, to see, my face staring at me. The smile on my face chilling. It looked as if my lips were pulling back from my teeth. I closed my eyes. This was a dream. I will wake up on my bed, no body waiting for me on the cold floor. I counted to ten. Opened my eyes, to stare at the celling.

I looked around my room. Was it the thunder that…..

No

No

No

I swung my feet off the bed, onto the icy floor, breath misting. One step forward, then another. My door was open. The light spilling in, illuminating the body with the face looking in the wrong direction,

Smiling.

Smiling.

Smiling.

-Rtr. Sandeepani Nuwanthika