Blame!? Him, Her or Him?

: An extract from a burnt letter.

[BURNT]….ause I was scared, I might fell in love with you again. Please do not do refuse to see me. We should see each other one last time! At least come this time, of all times we missed! I missed. I never meant to let go of the love we shared for two years. I don’t know whether to blame you or to me or to him, who was unaware of the things happened around me, even though he was with me all the time. This all started from the second semester that year and I… I was alone without the family, without you in a mischievous boarding house where no one cares I’m dead or alive. We only had eye connections first and then I started looking at him to ensure he is looking at me or not. He was looking at me. He looked at me like he is eager to talk. One day when I was sitting in the studying area, he came and sat with a smiley face but was a bit tensed to talk or what would happen if he do the first move. What I could only do is staring at him. I was a mere insignificance creature in there, who was struggling to find myself and survive the life, which was totally unaffordable for me. For God’s sake why did you do this to me? Whom do I blame? You tempted me! and he tempted me! You both made my life more complicated which I never wanted it to be. I tried to talk to you but every time you were busy with the work. How would I explain you that I needed you the most when you didn’t call me or text me. The love I longed from you was automatically flowing around me even if I was not ready to accept it. Of course! It was not time! I knew! But when he was paying so much concern and love, what would you expect a desserted girl to do? You shouldn’t have neglect me for your work or your personal life. I bet he never touched me before we marry. Not even the first kiss was our thing. What he offered me was spiritual and concerning. We sometimes held hands but was not warm as yours, still I felt love in it. I always compared you two, as some random kid I saw in beach, was in struggle to select the tastier ice cream with two in her hands. When I get your calls I felt guilty to answer. I was in a whirpool of thoughts I might do wrong to both of you. But I never intend to cheat on you and go on for other guys. I was alone, it was scary silence that I no longer can bear without a person to hold hands.